15 years...

Fifteen years ago, Big Daddy placed this ring on my finger and promised to love me forever! It's hard to believe we've put up with each other's crap for that long! ;) Seriously though, I can't imagine life without him. He's my lobster!

So, lately folks have been asking me what the secret is to my long, happy marriage. Well, let's start by saying I'm no Dear Abby or nothin', but I'll give it a shot. I don't necessarily think a long, happy marriage is dependent on some elusive element or secret that only certain people are able to find. I found in my circumstance that a good foundation was the key. Big Daddy and I lived together for 3 years before we married! At that point in time, there were no secrets, no weird quirks of personality, I KNEW exactly what I was getting myself into, annoying habits and all! Of course it never hurts to actually LOVE the person you marry. Granted in the beginning, ours was that typical lustful love. Love that ached when we were apart and flourished when we were together. Then that love evolved into that awesome "comfortable" love. The kind of love that lets you know you're needed, you're safe, and most of all... you're HOME. The love that sees past the zits, the gas, the bedhead, the dirty house, and the occasional shitty mood. This kind of love moves well beyond physical attraction and tethers itself firmly into your heart and soul where you know that your mate is your ultimate partner, your very best friend, your SOUL mate. I didn't marry Big Daddy because of his looks, I didn't marry him for $$$, I married him because I truly loved HIM! He was my BEST friend and I truly wanted to spend my life with him. It was really that simple.

I think the most common misconception though is that once you get to the alter it's cake from that point on. Au contraire, mon frere, that's when you gotta work! This is where all of those pesky things like honesty, communication, respect and patience come into play. You think it's easy living with the same person for 15 years?!? You're unbelievably high if you do! And it's even harder once you throw kids into the mix! WAY HARDER. Once kids enter the picture, your concern over the rearing of the children overwhelms the need for nurturing your relationship which can put a strain on even the most solid marriage. I think it's the little things though, the fact that Big Daddy still wakes me up to say goodbye before he goes to work. Just that little act, to tell me he loves me every morning. Or holding on to each other's hands so hard when we're driving down the freeway with two fighting, screaming, obnoxious little punk-asses in the back seat! At least you still have that connection, that lifeline with the one other person who totally feels your pain and who is gonna ride it out with you no matter what.

You gotta roll with the punches. You are NEVER gonna be perfect. Your spouse is NEVER gonna be perfect. You're gonna say stupid shit sometimes and your spouse is gonna say stupid shit sometimes. And you're totally gonna piss each other off on occasion. It's inevitable, it's life. But as long as you can HONESTLY (notice I capitalized that) discuss things WITHOUT being hurtful or mean, you will be amazed at how things can work their way out.

So there's my two cents on a long, happy marriage. LOVE, SOLID FOUNDATION, HONESTY, COMMUNICATION, RESPECT and PATIENCE. The perfect fairy tale marriage doesn't exist. I'm not saying people can't be perfect for each other, I'm just saying no matter how well you're matched, you still have to WORK at it, you still have to nurture it and even after 15 years, you still have to make concessions, you still have to say you're sorry on occasion, you still have to trust, and you still have to BELIEVE in your marriage and your spouse. And most of all, you still have to dream of a long, happy life together. Now that Big Daddy and I have reached this milestone of 15 years, I am looking forward to spending the next 5, 10, 35, 40+ years together!

Happy Anniversary Big Daddy! I am so glad to be spending my life with YOU! Big love from your Little Mama.!