Contemplation...

You ever just hit the wall and wonder what the fuck you're doing? I'm there.

I feel an obsessive need to get my shit together and make some changes. I don't think I'm having a mid-life crisis, but who knows, maybe I am!?! And it's not that I am unhappy, it's just that things aren't quite where I want them to be and it drives me nuts!

I crave organization, but seriously lack in that department.

I want a home with a yard where my children can play outside without being scorched or eaten alive by fire ants.

I want to figure out a way to balance homeschooling the Monkey Man while providing positive and personal interaction for my Piglet. I feel for the Piggy, so much time and effort has been placed into the education of the boy that the little girl sometimes gets lost in the wash and I HATE that! She deserves the same one-on-one time that he had!

I want stronger, more meaningful relationships with my family and friends. In this day and age, things seem so much more superficial. It's like I see your status on Facebook and for some reason I am satisfied that this is communication and friendship. WHY? It's positively ludacris! I want to SEE my friends, I want to BBQ with my family, I want a level of connection that transcends online networking and email. Is that even possible anymore?

I want something for me. I am so lucky that Big Daddy's folks have moved to town and now I have the ability to make something for myself and I am chomping at the bit to do so! It's been so long since I've been anything but "Mommy" I'm just not quite sure how to venture out into the big bad world to stake my claim. It's scary! I have definitely decided that I'm not coming out to play by the rules of others, if I'm going to leave the relative safety of my stay-at-home mama status, I'm going to do what I LOVE. I refuse to compromise. The fact is, something of my own will take me away from my family at times and therefore it better be something I LOVE or it just won't be worth it!

So there it is. All the little naggings in the back of my brain, slowly working their way to the forefront of my mind. Do I listen, do I tempt fate and embrace the notion of change? It seems like the season. I suppose a new dawn brings new beginnings and I should just greet the dawn and be open to the possibilities!